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21/12/2024

a whhile ago, our teacher gave us a task to write instruction to a lego robot. As in, we were supposed to write out every step in words, based on the picture instructions. i spent multiple hours on it, staying up late.

then she forgot about it. so a couple of classes lates, i reminded her, and then she asked us to send her those in.

then a few more classes passed, she didn't mention it. i came up to her, asking about it. she said that work would not be graded.

i felt berayed. like in first class of math in high school, when the teacher gave us the task to write an essay about how math affects our panebts' jobs, just to say it was a joke the next class.

i don't need a grade, dammit, i don't make half the graded work (at least in time), i just want at least asknowlage the work that went into it. I have a really hard time focusing on college tasks, cuz i'm not interested in them, and i often feel like i don't understand how to do anythiing, despite my classmates dealing with everything just fine.

i just want someone to notice when i'm trying.

20/12/2024

Im sitting in the computer science class rn waiting for the teacher to be free to check my project. The sun shines so fucking bright and I'm trying to cover my screen with my shadow to reduce the reflecting lights. My spine is warm. It's very quiet, the classes are ongoing. It's weird, but it feels like spring. This sleepy, lazy atmosphere, like we're about to leave for summer break. And it's warm outside, despite it snowing a few days ago. I am of the opinion that weather here changes more often than my mood. Can weather be BPD-coded? I guess anything can. It's not like it's a real thing anyway, just a label.

I feel weird when the weather is like this... All i can say is that it feels like spring. I have a dedicated playlist for this feeling. Glass beach's cul-de-sac, neon glow, 1015, bone skull and more, cuckoo song, record player song, pretty much all the he's not with us anymore album by casio dad, kyu-kurarin. Usually i listen to different music.

19/12/2024

everyone can go fuck themselves. i have no desire to be a part of this society.

17/12/2024

honestly, i like jax. not in tumblr sexyman way, but in the way that i like him as character, i like seeing him torturing others. but i like seeing him suffer too, it's funny. and with the new episode, gangle felt very unusual and honestly? creepy. fucking hate those over-positive people/characters. they are at best just annoying, and at worst unsettlng. so when he said "i liked you better when you were sad" i think the same. at that point i wouldn't just having fun athcing him torment angle as per usual, i would support that...

ANYWAY traumatized jax s????? i love it haha

i think people who fan over characters like jax and alastor often mischaracterize them by giving them redeeming qualities. by making them "soften" or open up to someone. and what i have to say? that's stupid. no, jax would not have a "emberassing crush" on you/your oc/canon char! jax is a sadist. and i think if anyone like him was put in a one room, they'd start fighting immedeately. maybe i'm projecting?

anyway it's 2:30 in the morning i should hit the hay

fuckign wish i wasn't sober rn. i'm gonna need something to keep me alive just for long enough

12/dec/2024

we're doing pizza today. i'm using the same recipe and modifying it every time, but i think i have a perfect one for fluffy pizza dough:

10/dec/2024

i might post stuff here. not sure tho. i don't like talking about myself, so i might just post general work and maybe life updates, as well as stuff i'll get in inbox.